Write a Book, Alastair.

My older brother Alastair is one of the most clever and witty people I know.

Here is an excerpt of an email I received from him today:

I'm slightly embarrassed that I haven't responded much to any of your updates. This is because every single one makes me so immensely proud and happy for you that I become a naively racist Disney stereotype from the 1940s. You know; the Magical Negro Janitor, looking on at a happy scene from a distance, leaning on his mop, nodding sagely and saying "a-yup, my work here is done". He then winks to the audience and disappears in an enchanted twinkle that charmed audiences at the time, but now makes the studio lawyers uncomfortable.

You can understand why all correspondence with him leaves me wearing a goofy grin. A-yup, he writes real good.

I need to pack before Dad comes over to move furniture at 8am tomorrow but I'm too busy being stressed about packing and clicking 'refresh' on social media waiting for someone to realise intuitively that I'm having a bit of a stress melt and ask me how I am feeling so I can tell them that I'm feeling stressed.

Hey you! Buy my stuff!

Last Christmas I decided to give only handmade gifts. I got really lovely feedback from the handmade jewellery I made for friends so I decided to dabble further.

I am now selling handmade jewellery and accessories through the Reverse Garbage Emporium in Brisbane and have had some interest from other stockists.

Eventually I would like to expand this blog to include, at the very least, a fancy little tab through which people can purchase my items. I will also look into getting an Etsy store and expanding my stockist contacts.

Until then, I will just post items sporadically on all my internet forums. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have known it. Now, dear readers (reader?), it's the blog's turn.

Please buy my stuff. These would look really good on you.

Recent Purchases

The last three apps I purchased:

The three-month rule

I found this on the floor of my room. Should I...?

Ultimate Grandfather Galley

Let me start with a preface:

I have two wonderful grandfathers.

My paternal grandfather is a witty, spiritual, earthy and intelligent man. He is 82, looks a handsome 70 at his worst and has the energy to run a large farm keeping chickens, bees and cows. Give him a forked stick and he can find you water underground. His honey is the best in the business and he has the awards to prove it.

My late maternal grandfather was a decorated WW2 pilot. I was very lucky to have known him until his death in 2007. He was a very well-respected public figure in north Queensland and held an Order of Australia Medal. He was a proud and loving father who raised some of the kindest and most generous people I've met.

I would not trade my grandfathers for the world. I want to make that much very clear.

However, if I could employ additional grandfathers, there are a few I have on my short list.

It is without further ado that I introduce the first instalment of my Ultimate Grandfathers Gallery:

ADAM WEST

JAMES EARL JONES

ADAM ALDA

Just imagine (and oh, I have) the laughter, love and the memories we would share! Playtime with Batman! Sage advice (or lightsaber battles/ultimate betrayal) from Mufasa (Darth Vader)... Or the King in that Eddie Murphy movie, Coming to America, if you must. Your first sips of gin martini from the glass of Grandpa Alda, which by your early twenties mature into long conversations by the distillery about war, women and the whole damn sense of it all!

Such fabricated memories stem from a genuine fondness, nostalgia and respect not unlike that directed towards a grandparent. These distinguished gentlemen may not have ever held me as a child, but their influence on my style, humour and interests cannot be underestimated.

It's also a fun game and terrific blog filler, right?!

Stay tuned for next month's instalment of more photographs of funky octogenarians!

What I Wore Today

I had a lovely evening tonight at Sliders & Ciders at Laruche in the Valley. Delicious mini burgers, cold Monteiths, swank setting and terrific company - yes, even the drunk storyteller with ADHD.

The purpose of this post, however, was to show my outfit. I felt a million dollars wearing a new silk dress from Vietnam with pastel accessories.

Unfortunately I don't have the means to show you the outfit in its entirety. I tried snapping in the mirror, at arm's length and balancing my iPhone on my sternum to take a shot. It is much easier to show you some highlights.

Sleeve.

Bracelets from Hanoi, Vietnam. I haggled hard and got these for USD $12 for the lot. I later saw a woman hand over $15 for one at a shop in Hoi An. I'm pretty, pretty, pretty good at haggling.

Neckline.

All in a glorious grey silk. The designer of the dress is Ha Truong and her website is well worth a look for collections of sleek items which embrace volume, silhouettes and sophisticated fabrics. The dress I bought is from Ha's Spring Summer 2011 collection on the website in black and as a top in white.

Please take the time to check out Ha Truong. I was so excited (and frankly, quite surprised) to come across several creative and fashion-forward designers in Vietnam. Australian designers could learn quite a bit from their counterparts across the seas in terms of quality and price point.

I leave you now with the promise of many more Vietnam-related posts and some other photos I took tonight whilst attempting to document my get-up...

ELBOW BUMS!

I went to Vietnam...

...and all I got is this lousy jumpsuit.

And a full wardrobe of beautiful silks.

And a further 11.5kg that I posted home.

And inspiration, direction and a home for the immediate future.

I also met a monkey!

One of my favourite looks from NYFW comes from Rodarte. It's been about a week since I laid eyes on these gorgeous hairpieces and my thoughts still drift back even during this most excellent of holidays. I'd love to work out how to make my own but I suspect the DIY blog network will be full of useful tutorials within the next few weeks - it's always nice to skip
the error stage of a DIY trial by having someone else do the legwork!

Vietnam

I'm in Vietnam for the next three weeks. I've been here two days and I'm already completely smitten with the country. I'll have wi-Fi access occasionally but I like that door to be shut most of the time. I do check in nightly with the news (what's up, ALP?) and Instagram if I have difficulty falling asleep. Facebook is blocked in Vietnam and I'm thrilled.

I'll post sporadically while I'm away, but as per usual it will be only when I'm unable to sleep.

I bought a blue jumpsuit so I'll upload a photo of that too.

Oi freckles!

I've always had a strained relationship with my freckles - without them, I'd wear significantly less makeup and wouldn't be mistaken for a work-experience student while going about my professional duties.

Last year there were a handful of occasions where I slept in or just could not be arsed wearing makeup out. I was always asked if I felt alright, as I looked unwell, pale or 'terrible'. I took a lot of delight telling people that I was feeling fine - "That's just my face. Thanksssss guys."

Since the new year, I haven't worn makeup to work and only on occasion when I meet with friends. It's lovely to feel more comfortable in (and with) my skin. When I do slap some face on, people comment that I look nice. Turned it around to a positive, aww yeah.

As an added bonus, I am once again asked for ID when buying beer. It's nice to feel young again!

Meet my...

Hermit crab, Bernard.

He was named such because the French translation of hermit crab is 'bernard l'hermite'. I've another, less photogenic crab also named Bernard.

He's not usually cross-eyed but if he were, he'd be the next Heidi. In fact, he'd be even better than Heidi, because Bernard's not dead.

Glitterbomb

Ain't they marvellous?

Glitter! Glitter on everything!

This is one of the first of many DIY posts.

Old shoes + glitter + glue. There are heaps of detailed tutorials for this online so you'll find detailed steps with a Google search.

Once I experimented with the gold pair I did the same to my favourite red heels which had become quite scuffed. I've now got a pair of gorgeous, glittery ruby slippers. Somebody invite me to a Wizard of Oz party!

The recent Elie Saab collection is just perfect. These dresses are plucked straight from my dreams. I half suspect the fabric was woven from angel's hair and coloured by the dust of fairies' wings.

Arm Farm

How many items of animal jewellery are too many items of animal jewellery?

Four, probably.

I'm at home sick with a most excellent mix of flu-ish aches and tearful anxiety. In this goddamn 33 degree heat the goddamn fan cannot turn quickly enough. I'd leave bed but I don't want to remove myself from the reach of the fan's blast so I'm relying upon the internet to provide this afternoon's entertainment.

Here's a picture of me looking achy and grumpy in bed, via Toon Paint. I couldn't find the correct settings for the sexy-cool noir comic effect so instead I've given you:

1. me as an old lady


2. me in a poorly lit room


3. me made out of suede


4. me in V for Vedetta, if the viewer had very poor eyesight.

Spot the injury featured in my last post.

I have this bruise on my forehead because I spent about half an hour trying to squeeze a blackhead before I realised it was actually a freckle.

Recent Purchases

This Christmas was the first in years that I've spent at home with family.

In 2010 I was in Paris:

From clockwise: 25 December at Disneyland Paris; Rodin's gardens; awkward Christmas photo with my little brother and two friends; Galleries LaFayette.

In 2009 it was Queenstown, New Zealand. This shot was taken around 9:30pm Christmas Day:

I know the phrase 'Endless Summer' gets bandied around a lot, especially on the social networking profiles of high-school leavers and accompannied by a 'w00t', emoticons in sunglasses and some ~~~xoX]*embellishment*[Xox~~~
to emphasise the point. I still think it's a fitting comment for the above photo.

Cambodia in 2008:

Paris in 2006:

Christmas 2011 was just wonderful. Photos will be posted soon; I need to spend a bit of time weeding out the duds and separate the pictures where I look really great. Authenticity is for dorks.

Last night I watched a Foxtel reality program called 'Dance Moms' followed by a Kardashian show. Is it possible to Dettol wash your brain?